Team Relationships and Performance
In any business, the quality of the relationships between the Team members is crucial to the global performance of the business. The performance of your business is not the addition of each person's skills but the combination of all the specificities of each individual and the way they create a coherent system. When you hire a new person it should not be only for his/her expertise in a certain field but for the way he/she will complement the rest of the Team.
If you compare your entire Team to a body, each member will be like an organ. If your team is not balanced and if each part of the system is not playing its role, the all system is unhealthy. You don't need to brains, or 2 levers. You need to have a global view of what the system needs are and how the system works. When you have conflicts or lake of cooperation in the team, it is like stomach and lever refusing to work together.
Beside the identity of each person, the team itself has one. When it is dysfunctional, the all system suffers. How many times have I seen war between the production and the sales department: how many times have I seen people working solo and wasting precious time and energy by duplicating tasks?
It is crucial to give your total attention to the harmony of the team. You can work on modernising your production, optimising the processes, restructuration but as long as you don't work on the Team's ability to cooperate and work as one, you are almost wasting your time. What makes the difference between the leader on a market and the others is the quality of management.
For many years, when the economy was booming, management was not a priority. Many managers where promoted by experience and expertise. The real ability to manage a team was secondary. In today's difficult times, it is not anymore an option. Managers need to have the ability to manage the Team and to make it perform at its best. You can't achieve this by just giving orders and controlling the quality. Managing is an art that require special ability to inspire and lead. If you are a manager, you are the key element to make the team a healthy system. As we know, there are no bad teams but only bad managers.
When conflicts occur in the Team, it must be a priority to be fixed ASAP. Conflicts are damaging so many businesses' financial bottom line that it is incredible to see how many conflicts have been going on for years.
To understand what is going on, you need to realise that the components of a healthy team are not only tangible and objective. Why do you think we hear so much about Emotional Intelligence at work? A person is emotional first and cerebral after. The rational reality of things does not make the ability of a Team to work together. Each person has his/her own representation of the world and his/her own perception of the world. Each person projects his/her reality and all those realities have to co-exist within the structure. By a mirror effect, each team member is resonating with others.
In order to make it work, each and every person must be conscious of a higher purpose. The company values are essential to the health and wealth of the organisation. It is when each person feels that he/she is sharing a common ground of values that people can mobilise the best of their abilities. Then, the managers must be treating their team with respect and take the time to prise and to encourage in order to keep the stream of energy flowing.
For all the years I have been working with organisations, I never saw a company being number one without caring for their team. The more people are happy to work and to work together and the more the magic can happen in terms of performance, quality, customer service and profit.
The new Leaders of the XXI century will not be anymore the ones using people to the limit and giving the minimum. The new Leaders will be the cleavers ones, able to combine expertise and excellence by leading with grace and respect.
Between a person doing a job because he/she is paid and a person motivated, there is all the difference as between a lamp and a lam switched on. The financial bottom line of any organisation can change dramatically depending on the attention to the wellbeing of each person making the organisation a living one.
The Team Relationship Clinic is a radical Performance Growth Programme based on all the interactions between people. If you want to know more, contact Denis Gorce-Bourge on email@example.com
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Being Gay in the corporate world...
Piece of cake or Broken Peace?
So many people are still in the closet: so many Gay Executives, CEOs, simple Workers are married with kids. What is still so difficult for so many Gay people to hide? Is it that the society is still giving a hard time to Gay people?
I spent the first 22 years of my life in a closet and I can tell you that it is a very tight and dark place to be. When I decided to come out, it was a choice between giving up on myself or embracing who I was.
I remember what it was at the time to feel scared, to feel dirty, to feel ashamed of who I was. In the early 80s, it was still a big deal and in my case, my parents gave me more than a hard time. I had to go to hospital to see a Psychiatrist in order to be healed, I have been given ultimatums to return to normality, and I had to face lots of emotional blackmail...
Logically, people in their 20s or 30s should be more relaxed about their sexual orientation. In fact many people even young are still in the closet. For many of them, they are scared that coming out would damage their image or that their career would suffer. All together the image of Gay people is still not so positive for lots of straight people. In the corporate world it is not so easy either. You need to be strong and comfortable with who you are to face this reality. As we know, if you are not, people are going to feel it and press all your buttons.
Are you straight?
If you are straight and you think that you don't know any Gay people? YOU ARE WRONG... You just don't know that you know quite a few... It is not written on the fore head and all Gays are not walking like Naomi Campbell on the catwalk.
On the contrary, lots of Gay people have learned to be chameleons and to even appear straighter than straight people. It is a self preservation reflex for those who did not find the strengths to come out yet.
The difficulty here is that by definition Gay people are defined by their sexual orientation. Many straight people have a hard time imagining Gay people having sex. Who ask them to imagine anything, especially about their colleague or their boss? Do I automatically imagine straight people having sex when I meet them? Of course not!
I heard so many times the following question:"so, in your couple, who is active and who is passive?"This question is not acceptable. Sexuality is nobody's business. So between telling and hiding, what is the right position? At the same time, if you are in a relationship, you are not going to hide it. Back at work on Monday morning, you are generally going to talk about what you did with your partner during the week-end.
For many straight people, working with Gay people is not a big deal. One of the most common statements from straight Males is:"as long as they don't bother me, I don't mind".
They forget that usually gay people have good taste and that most of those guys are not really looking like Brad Pit.
There are still far too many complaints from Gay people about bullying at work.
Unfortunately, even if things are getting better, there is a huge need of education in the work place to provide the minimum respect for Gay people and all minorities contributing to the richness of our society.
Even in 2012, people can be abusive without even realising it. When you are part of the majority, you see differences from a strong position. You think that you are open minded and that you tolerate differences. You can easily make jokes which are not malicious but can be a constant reminder for the person that he/she is different.
Because it starts already at school, many people imagine that perhaps it is ok to bully others because of their differences. Education starts from a much earlier stage in order to get some significant results in the work place.
A few years ago, I was working in a Retail Chain in France and I remember the comment of someone when I decided to bring my male partner to a company party.
She said:"you are really courageous to bring your partner".
More recently, I was working as an Associate for an Advisory Company and the Boss told me: "I have absolutely no problem with Gay people: it is their choice". I asked him to remember at what age he made the choice to be straight. I think that for many people, there is still a question of understanding what sexual orientation means. We are who we are and whether we have a different skin colour, a different body shape, a different sexual orientation, we are part of the society and we have the right to exist in peace and in respect of our differences.
Peace and Love:
Today, the main aim of my work, whether as an Executive Coach, Psychotherapist or Corporate Trainer, is to help people to become who they really are because I know that it is the quickest way to happiness. By the way, you don't have to be gay to not be yourself. We have been educated and conditioned to be socially correct and there for to hide who we really are.
Nobody should ever feel ashamed of whom they are and scared to be who they are: it should be our basic right as a Human Being to live with dignity and respect from others.
I dream of a world where we could embrace our similarities and our differences in order to learn, to grow, to understand, to open up to the reality of what is means to be alive and what it means to be who we are.
Karma: Do we Reap what we Sow?
I created a group on Facebook recently called "The Team Relationship Clinic". It is about sharing experiences and understanding how we can improve the crucial point of relationships at work and how this can improve performance and the financial bottom line. Someone contributed with a really interesting story which I chose to include just below."...this one colleague that made my life a living hell at the office ended up getting me fired: but a client of the office called me the same day and offered me a job. I now have a great job with 2 great bosses and 1 great colleague, so I'm very happy!
The ex-colleague got run over by a truck a few weeks ago and is still at home recovering. Karma's a bitch! :-)… "
Read the full article
What happened to "From Russia with Love"?
...I felt very much like a character of a Paulo Coelho' story, trapped in a journey of spiritual initiation. I never felt so alone in my life. I was amazed to see how quickly I felt isolated and stressed, how quickly my inner peace faded away. I started having more and more unreasonable feelings exactly like in a nightmare. I felt like I could be trapped in Moscow and never be able to escape it. Even if my reason knew that it was crazy, I was sleeping into a neurotic place by the hour...
Read the full article on NewsBlaze. Click on the title.
Water covers 70% of our Blue planet and our body is made of about 70% water.
Water is a treasure that we often take for granted even though it is our most precious resource.
Masaru Emoto is a Japanese Photographer and scientist. He is known over the world for his remarkable work on water and its deep connection with individual and collective consciousness.
The Law of Attraction
Or how to change the cause and effects in your life
The Law of Attraction
Or how to change the cause and effects in your life
We hear a lot about the Law of Attraction since the worldwide success of the book "The Secret" from Rhonda Byrne. This concept has been around for a very long time
The Law of Attraction or how to change the cause and effects in your life
In conversation with Denis Gorce-Bourge
Wednesday 23rd May from 7.30pm to 9.30pm
58 Westow Road Crystal Palace
SE19 3AF London
Click on the link to book your seat. Early bird price
Read the full article in NewsBlaze and share your views on the subject...
"...James Cameron on his famous film Avatar in 2009 was passing on this message that we are all connected, including to mother Earth..." Read the full article on NewsBlaze
My neew article on NewsBlaze
Read my article on NewsBlaze...
Here is another advertising campaign in England telling us that 2 glasses of wine a day increases our risk of mouth cancer... We are bombarded with advertisings, comments, TV shows about the fact that in a way or another we are doing something wrong. There are so many of it that whoever we are, we are probably guilty of something: if it is not drinking, it is smoking or eating or whatever else. If you use your mobile phone, you are going to have brain cancer, if you go in the sun, you are going to have skin cancer, but at the same time we can't really know that we are buying genetically modified products. Do we know what the risks are? No and we never hear anything about it. It makes so much money that the concern is not so important for public health.
It is a nanny state trying to make us feel guilty and scared about everything. Cancer is one of the favourites. There is a cancer for each of us. You like to have a biscuit before to go to bed? Be careful, more than 2 biscuits a day increase the risk of enjoyment. I suspect that there is a clear will to maintain the population in a state of fear. The more you scare people, the more docile they are. It is not anymore if you do this or that you are going to have cancer it is about when you are going to have cancer?
I affirm today that media excess increases the risk of cancer and I am serious about it. Because of the power of images and words and the power of mind, making people focus on the risks helps them create what they fear. Why this? Just because we attract what we focus on the most. If it is health and joy and happiness, it is great. If it is fear, cancer, fear of redundancy, fear of war, fear of riots, fear of debts, fear of fear, we just attract the very thing that we fear. I started many years ago limiting what I watch and listen to. Because I know the impact of images and words, I now refuse to be conditioned to be scared of life. The voice of reason lost the plot in this country. We are a number in statistics and it is all down to how much money we cost to the community. Nobody is telling us that because we smoke and drink we pay so much extra taxes and that because we are going to die quicker, we are going to save lots of money to the pensions schemes. That is what I call a win-win deal. So why not give us a break about all this nonsense? I am not saying that health education is useless: I am saying that media intoxication is reaching the point of perversion.
Where is the balance in the media? Where is the space where we can hear that we are great, that we should be hopeful and that life is fantastic?
Yes, life kills and the best and only way to fully protect us from all those dangers is DEATH.
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Mind the gap between what is and what should be
How often do I see people coming to me with so much frustration towards their boss, their company, their career, their partner, their family, society... Each and every time, those people are in a comparison mode between what should be and what is in reality. As soon as you compare reality with your idea of what should be, you develop frustration. Does it mean that we should just be satisfied with the reality and never try to change it and make it better? Of course not: it is perfectly natural to have goals and to want things to change. The point here is about where you start and your general posture towards your goals. The most interesting is the frustration in relationships. I hear people telling me that they love their partner BUT... and this BUT is where things are becoming tricky. Who do you love? Do you love your partner or an idea of your partner when he/she will have changed enough to match your perfect idea of a partner? When we are becoming frustrated and annoyed with our partner, it is generally the sign that we are in the comparison between what they are doing and what we would like them to be and to do.
Mind the gap between what is and what should be. The only way to change, to evolve, to improve, is to embrace where you are and what the situation is. Carl Jung said: "what you resist persists". In order to change your feeling towards things, people, situations, you need to change your perception. Let go of your urge to see a different reality and you will allow things to change in front of your very eyes. Let go of your desire to control, let go of your sense of perfection and life will start to shift. What should be maintains you in a constant state of comparison. You are building frustration because you feel useless at changing the situation and consciously or not, you making things worse. Allow things and people to be, independently from your desire and accept to be where you are. The more you focus on what is wrong, the more you reinforce it. Let go of your desire to change things and find the good in everything. In your relationship, identify all the things that you love and enjoy about your partner. Reality exists in the moment, in the here and now and the only way to change it is to embrace it and accept it.
As long as you persist in trying to change what is not under your control, you generate frustration and put yourself in a victim role. The only thing that you can change is yourself. When you change, you allow things to change around you. In relationships, your partner will not change because you want him/her to change but because you change yourself. People are acting and reacting in front of you in connection with who you are and if you change your comportment and behaviour, people will change accordingly.
What is the first thing that you could change in order to change your frustration level? Your belief that things should be a certain way. Let go and focus on what you want to change about yourself.
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Our thoughts and feelings as a tuning machine
Am I connected to a certain frequency of mind wave which matches my own brain frequency? How does it work? Is it the Collective Unconscious Carl Jung was talking about? Carl Jung was saying that we are all connected to a global unconscious which makes us sometimes able to have thoughts and ideas simultaneously at different points of the globe without material connections.
I believe that we all are emitting a distinct frequency which is matching our thoughts and feelings. Our frequency stays pretty stable because we do think and feel mainly in the same way most of the time. It is what is making us mostly an optimist or a pessimist. Our core beliefs are shaping who we are. If we believe that the world is a scary place, our energy will be often tainted with fear and fear has a typical frequency. For each of us, we have a dominant mood, state of mind, and behavior which represent a frequency: this frequency is matching waves of the same kind.
In the same way, words have a frequency. Masaru Emoto in his researches about water found out that water molecules are reacting to words, even written on paper. When you frieze water, the crystals will not have the same shape at all if they are in the presence of words like Love and Gratitude or hate and greed.
The quality of our thoughts and feelings are acting like a tuning machine, connecting us with specific frequencies of consciousness. How can we explain that when we are changing and evolving in our lives, suddenly our environment is changing to? Some people who were close to us take distance while some other people are getting closer to us. Our thoughts with their frequency are connecting us with a larger community of thoughts of the same kind and by a phenomenon of attraction, making us closer to some people rather than others. There is a kind of system where the more positive we are, the more positive we become just because we are connected to this frequency. We are constantly and unconsciously connected to this invisible network. It is important to stay conscious of this natural phenomenon in order to stay aligned with what we like and what we want. If we are in a difficult situation in life, we can easily start thinking that it is very bad and be scared that it is going to get worse. In this case, our frequency changes and we are connecting at this point with thoughts and energies of the same kind. It works in the positive as well as in the negative. In the book "The Secret", they are talking about the law of attraction and how you can change your circumstances by tuning into positive thoughts, focusing in what you want rather than what you don't want. In other words, if you are attuned with a positive frequency, you connect with everything of the same kind, including health and wealth.
In the case of the loss of someone you loved very much, your frequency can change dramatically due to the sadness and depression that you feel. This sadness has a frequency and at this point, you can attract to yourself things, circumstances and people who are attuned with it. How many times do we see people developing serious illnesses after a painful loss? Your frequency changes for the worse and your body expresses this depression at a cellular level.
I mentioned earlier the impact of words and thoughts on water. We are made, depending on our age, of between 50 and 80% of water. If we are constantly in sadness, the water in our body loses its main quality and virtue and we fall into illness.
We are like antennas and we connect to only one radio station at a time. If we don't like the frequency we are attuned to, the only way to change it is to change the way we are thinking and feeling. The more we grow, the more we can grow because we are attuned to a higher frequency which helps us having more thoughts of the same kind and those thoughts maintain us in a positive feeling which keeps the attuned to the right frequency.
Are you happy with what you are attuned with?
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Is corporation in conflict with consciousness?
I have a weird feeling lately. Are organisations around the world still managed by human Beings? It looks very much like the system became its own boss. It looks very much like companies are now using humans work and money to feed their needs. I believed that everything around us was supposed to make our life easier, make us a better life and that all the progresses that happened since the post war were all about us. Today, I don't know who it is for. At each corner of my life, I see more intrusion of the system in my private life; I see more control on my choices, more pressure on what I do. My freedom is shrinking every day. I am watched whatever I am doing, where ever I go. The system is able to see my all moves, trips, my life style, who my friends are and what my opinions are . We work more and more to often just keep the right to be part of the system. But who is The System? Who is making the decisions? Who said that we have to be good tax payers and just accept everything without having a voice to protest? Do you know what our rights are to protest efficiently without taking the risk to be sued? We can protest but what difference does it make? 1 million people marched in the streets of London against the war in Iraq for what result?
Back to the corporate world: I hear more and more people at all levels of the hierarchy very worried and not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing if they are still part of the company they choose to work for. The values seem to become only words on paper and people don't know anymore who they are working for. I see people not finding anymore the motivation to work for something and someone because the gap between people's values and corporations' actions grows every day. I see people feeling betrayed by the company they have been giving so much for so long. I see people who do not know anymore why they go to work in the morning except to pay the bills.
I feel very much that fear is the one thing that keeps people quiet and prevent more serious events from happening. Fear becomes the number one value in the Western world. Fear is what the system is using to make us more submissive. As long as people are scared about what can happen to them, they keep quiet and stay isolated in their corner. I don't see any more intellectuals to wake people up and say out loud what is happening.
Who is governing our country? Is it still the government or is it big organisations that have such a weight in the economic landscape that their voice is stronger than the politics? We hear that 5% of the population own 95% of the world wealth. So as part of the 95%, I feel that 5% is not enough for nearly 7 billion people. We hear everyday that governments don't have the money to sustain the social system anymore: that we have to pay for more and more of our own pocket to survive. For example, let's take the medical system and the pharmaceutical industry. Why are governments not putting in place a system to regulate the price of medicine? Why is the pharmaceutical industry trying to stop researches on alternative therapies and self healing? We know that their obligation to tests new molecules against placebo is a kind of proof that we can heal ourselves. 30% of people using placebo in these tests are healing themselves with a piece of sugar peal. We know as well that nobody in those corporations want you to be cured. You need to buy their products and more products. Side effects are designed for that purpose. You take an extra peal to cure the side effect of the other peal and take another one to cure the side effect of the previous one... There is no profit in a cure...
I could take so many other examples to prove that we are now living in a system where we just exist to feed the system. It is as if all those people in charge have lost the ability to take distance and to still make the difference between good and bad. What happen to 1968? What happened to our dreams? What happened to our ability to resist, expressing our concerns and opposition?
So, is corporation in conflict with consciousness? What do you THINK?
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Kindness goes with happiness
Do you need to be happy to be kind? Does it help to be kind to be happy? Is your kindness genuine? Do you expect anything in return? Do you do it for the beauty of kindness?
I learned over time that sometimes, I was expecting at least a thank you and that it was making me sad and upset when I was not getting it. So I was kind but I was ruining my own feeling of happiness because of my expectations. Does it ring a bell? So I decided to stop being kind until I would be able to be kind just to be kind, expecting nothing back at all.
Interestingly enough, when I started being kind in a totally genuine way, I have been surprised to see that I was getting things back even from unexpected sources. It is a matter of cleaning your own kindness and learning to give from your heart and not just from a position which needs to be comforted and reassured. It is actually making me feel like a Prince. I do not expect anyone to be thankful for what I do. I just do it because it feels good to help.
The Karpman triangle pointed out many years ago the system where you start being the saver, helping people out and then very quickly, when you are not acknowledged you switch to the victim role to end in the persecutor role. In other words, you help out someone who perhaps not even asked for your help. Then, when the person doesn't do what you expect back, you tell yourself or others how unfair they are, "after all what you did for them..." and finally, you spread gossips about how ungrateful and selfish they are.
Are we talking about kindness? Of course not. We are talking about ways to value ourselves and flatter our own ego. Kindness is about giving, about being attentive to others, about being open to what is happening around us.
So does kindness goes with happiness? My answer is yes. I think that the happier we are the more open and giving we are. Happiness is making us so full of energy and so ready and available to be there for others. Happiness is a positive spiral where the happier I am, the happier I become and the kindest I am and the happier I become.
If we are in a state of fear, in a mindset of penury and lack of goods, we are self focussed and unavailable to others. If we are in a state of fear, we lose our generosity and our attention to people who are in a worse situation.
The Dalai Lama many times said a simple and single thing to people coming to get help from him.
I agree with him and happiness is not a question of circumstances but a question of point of view, a question of mindset.
How? Well, it is in your hands. You can stop worrying;you can stop being scared
You have the inner power to start being happy if you change the way you look at things, if you change your connection to yourself.
It is so simple that it has to be complicated...
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
The concept of the True Position
We are generally raised in the idea that life is hard and that we have to find a job in order to support a family and to pay the bills. We are raised to believe that what we want has very little to do with life and that we just need to find a spot in the system to survive. For generations and generations, parents with the best intentions in the world, have been propagating a terrible concept. This concept tells us that we should be realistic, and not expect much from life: realistic meaning of course looking at a half empty cup.
Here are a few expressions that you probably already know and that you perhaps tell your own children now. "Life is hard", "nothing comes easily", "money does not grow on trees", "people with money must have been stepping on others", "we don't always do what we want in life"...
Parents did not tell us that because they did not want us to be happy but because they wanted to prevent us from being hurt. Because they believed that life is hard, they did their best to protect us from false ideas and useless hopes. They wanted to make us understand that being realistic is the best way to insure the minimum in life. This is the result of fear. Parents don't want their children to suffer and better to teach them as early as possible what the reality of the world is.
A tiny minority of people have been raised in the idea that we can achieve anything we want and that we can decide what we want to do with our own life. As a Therapist, the number one problem that I encounter is lack of confidence and self-esteem. Is it a coincidence? Of course not: It is the result of an education that for our own good made us believe that we should be happy to have a job, whatever it is.
The minimalist concept goes to all aspects of life including of course relationships. How many people stay in destructive or unhappy relationships?
I have good news. There is a possibility for each of us to change our lives and to contribute to change the entire world. Do we expect change to come from our government, our boss or more generally others? Do we believe that we can change? Do we believe that we should change? Perhaps are you reading these lines thinking that you are perfectly happy in life, with a perfect job, a lovely loving family and that you would not change anything? If it is the case, please be grateful and realise that you are part of a small minority. If these lines make sense, perhaps should you read further?
As a person, we are part of many systems: we are part of a family, a group of friends, a team at work, a nation, and a world. In each of these systems, we have a role and an impact depending on our actions, decisions and behaviours.
The concept of the right position tells us that we can find our true spot in order to express our true nature, our true self. Why should we do this? We should do this because we would be happier: it is as simple as this. If life is not about happiness, what is it about?
I know a person who was passionate about cooking and he wanted to be a chef. His family has been a family of doctors for generations. His brothers and sisters all became doctors and if possible specialists. He gave up under the pressure and became a doctor. He is not a bad doctor but an average generalist doctor. He could have been a happy chef but he is an average doctor. He did not find the energy to fight the outside world in order to express his true passion.
Have you ever felt that you were not fitting in your family, that you were feeling different and that perhaps your parents were not your real parents? It happened to so many kids. In fact, we should not question our origins but our true nature. We are all different and we should not try to be all the same. In our body, do you think that all cells are the same? Do you think that a lever cell is like a brain cell? Absolutely not: if you are a brain cell and that you accept to go to be a cell in the lever, guess what is going to happen? Some big health problems are going to appear in this body.
Imagine now that you are a fern and that because your family always have been geraniums, you are in full sun with them. You are probably going to survive but you are going to be so unhappy. You need shade and moist and you are living in the sun, south orientated and you suffer. What kind of plant are you? Are you trying to be something you are not? How close are you from your true nature?
The big difference between us and nature is that a fern would never naturally grow in full sun. It would not even grow in full sun. When it happens in nature, most of the time the plant dies.
What is true for nature should generally be true for us too. Only Human kind can have the arrogance and the foolishness to decide to be a fern when they are a geranium. If you think about it, are at the right place, with the right people, doing the right things? Are you a fern in full sun, are you a geranium in the shade or are you just not really in the right environment. Nothing on earth should make us feel inadequate. We should feel happy to be what and who we are and blossom as such. I can hear you already thinking: "that's an idealistic view and you can't just change and decide to be yourself suddenly and move somewhere else, change job..."
It is John Demartini who said "when your inner voice is stronger and louder than the voices on the outside world, you mastered your life". You are the only person on this planet to know exactly how you feel, who you are and what you want so why would you give the power to others to decide what you should do with your life. Why should you believe the world when you feel different and when it does not feel right.
The concept of the True Position is about the big puzzle. We all represent one piece of the puzzle. What happens if most of the pieces are not at the right place? There is friction between the pieces which are not designed to be side by side naturally: there are tensions, conflicts, misunderstanding but first of all, it does not make any sense. The Puzzle's image is a big chaos and does not represent anything. If you are not at the right place, it can be because the right spot is not available because the person is not at the right place or because you accepted to be at the wrong place. Do you realise that you perhaps prevent the right person to find the right place because you took it? When I was talking earlier about your opportunity to contribute to change the all world, that is exactly what I meant. If you search for your right spot, if this spot is available, you can give the opportunity to someone else to find his/her own spot. If you move, you can initiate a massive domino effect where one by one a succession of people would readjust by finding their available spot. Being you is encouraging others to do the same. Imagine that suddenly, the big puzzle starts to rearrange itself and one by one the pieces are moving to the right spot. Slowly but surely, the big picture starts to emerge: the frictions slow down, the conflicts disappear and all together, the world becomes more harmonious.
One of my friends is a Museum Director in Switzerland and she told me the story of a staff member which has been a problem for many years. Each department was trying to get rid of her because she was a sort of dead weight and nobody wanted to have her as part of their team. She was always grumpy and was taking lots of sick days. One day, during an Executive meeting, my friend had an idea saying that perhaps they were not employing this person at the right position. The lady was very good with numbers and with chasing the missing receipts and stuff. They moved her to the account department and gave her exactly this task. Guess what happened next. She became a very valuable member of the account department.
The domino effect can be initiated from many different points. Your own responsibility is to find the right spot for you but organisations can as well contribute to this movement.
For an organisation, it cost a lot of money to have the wrong person in the wrong spot. It means sick days, poor productivity, bad spirit and probably conflicts within the department. Make the choice to move people around will cost in terms of training and sometime of adaptation where the performance will still be questionable: but ultimately, the organisation will benefit immensely from this move. Motivation is the core of performance and if we can raise this level to the best, everyone wins: the person feels good and enjoys the day and the quality of the work is so better. We all are customers. Imagine when you go shopping or to a restaurant to be served by people who enjoy their job. Everybody does not want to be an engineer, a Doctor or a pop star. That is the beauty of life. We all are unique and we all want things slightly different. It means that there is a spot for each of us at the condition that we find it. The system today is a big chaos where so many people are away from their own stream, their own spot.
There is one puzzle for each system, whether there are few pieces or millions. One for the system of your family, one for you work environment, one for your city, for your country and of course the biggest picture of all is the world. Each little system is a piece of the bigger one and the more harmony we can bring to the system, the more harmonious the big puzzle will become.
How can you know what is the True Position for you? There is only one way to know for sure: the inner way. The truth about who you are and where you should be is inside and the only way to rich it is to work on yourself, make a deeper connection with your inner self. You know when you are happy, when you feel right and when you really are yourself.
If you feel happy and fulfilled, there are big chances for you to be at your true position. If on the contrary, you are doubtful, unhappy and unsatisfied, you need to work out what it is that you really want. Our feelings are our barometer to know if we are in the right. Our feelings are usually unstable and in one single day, we can go from very happy to very depressed. Saying that, there is a dominant, a state we are in most of the time. So ask yourself the question again. Most of the time, are you happy? Do you have the feeling that you achieve what you are designed to achieve?
©GBlifecoaching 2011 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Beliefs as inner computer programs
It is funny to remember when NLP (Neuro-Linguistic-Programming) became famous in the early 80's that people were chocked to hear about behaviour and personality as programs. It was chocking to compare a human being to a computer
Today, science is going far beyond this notion. Quantum physic specifically affirms that we can't be only observers in this world but contributors. This notion changes everything. The universe would not exist without consciousness and our own mind is building reality. Is it hard to believe?
We can't look at something without influencing it and it seems that we are part of a gigantic Universal computer. Depending on our beliefs, we allow different kinds of events to happen in our lives, exactly like program allowing you to open some documents. It makes actually perfect sense. Our beliefs are framing the territory of possibilities and if you don't believe in the magic of life, it does not mean that it does not exist but you can't access it.
Our beliefs change our environment and health. The placebo and nocebo effects are famous for a long time and obviously important in the way we can either improve or damage our health. What is interesting is that all the double blind studies conducted for new molecules are showing an increase of the placebo effect. As if the program for self-healing gets stronger.
Our beliefs seem to be a major factor in the all process. If you want to make a presentation and you don't have Powerpoint on your computer, it is much more difficult. In the same way, without the right beliefs, you cannot access some levels of reality where for example your own inner power can heal you efficiently.
Don't try to convince someone of anything. If the person does not have the right program, it will be almost impossible to believe you, because the reality of the person does not include this possibility. The famous St Thomas quote: "I believe what I can see". Do you see electricity, do you see air, viruses, energy...
Because we are the architects of our life and environment, our beliefs are creating our life and vice versa. If I see the glass half empty, my life is unfolding according to this belief. So I have all reasons to keep believing the same thing and to reject the half full notion. In other words, changing believes is a gamble and needs strong commitment and faith to take the risk.
The only hope is for some people to question their beliefs seeing how your life is different. What is he/she doing differently to obtain this result? Despite the very famous notion of "he's just lucky" which is so convenient to not question your beliefs, exemplarity is the only way to perhaps make people move on from the half empty position.
The only advice that I can give you is to stay as open as you can in order to be able to download more programs allowing you to have a wider range of experiences. And what if the all notion of beliefs and programs is true? Do you believe it?
It is all up to you.
©GBlifecoaching 2012 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Are you happy with who you are?
Do you love yourself? Do you honour and respect who you are? This is the basis of a happy life.
You cannot expect anyone to really love and accept who you are if you can't do it yourself. So many people are using their relationship to complete what they can't do. Usually it means that you love your partner or should I say some parts of your partner and you expect your partner to accept and love you exactly the way you are. Are you surprised to see so many relationships failing? I am not. A successful relationship is probably the most difficult thing to achieve in life: because it means that you need to work on yourself constantly in order to make it work and your partner must do the same. If you just believe that you are going to change your partner, that it will take time but that it is going to work, you are completely delusional. Change yourself and you can expect perhaps your partner to evolve accordingly. The more you evolve in the direction of accepting and embracing who you are, the more you naturally develop tolerance and acceptance towards others and the way they are. It is usually a sign of weakness and insecurity to want to control others. Let people be and you will see how much they can blossom. Everything has to start with you.
You are an amazing person and you are as perfect as it is possible to be at this moment in time. You cannot change it and the only way to make this evolve is to start by accepting completely the reality of who you are. I often take the metaphor of the throne. You are the King or the Queen of your life and most of the time you are standing and trying to be somebody else. Just go back to your Throne and sit comfortably inside. You are the way you are for a reason. The world needs you the way you are in order for you to play your part of the big play.
When you start accepting yourself, you see changes happening in your surroundings. You notice people changing their comportment or giving you signs that they, consciously or not, noticed a change. You will start noticing that your days are so much more enjoyable and that you feel more comfortable with others and yourself. You will start regaining power on yourself: all the power that you gave away to others for so long about the way they see you and about who you should be to be loved and accepted. There is a natural process which helps you when you start helping yourself. The moment you decide that who you are is great, you see that the world is changing around you: some people will take distance because they will realise that they lost their power on you and others will appear because they are attracted to you. It is so appealing to others to be true to yourself and aligned with your own reality. You show congruence and people know that you are not a fake. It is a sort of atonement which raises your frequency and your energy level. You are finally going with the flow rather than fighting it.
Sitting in your throne is such a fantastic experience. It is opening new doors, bringing new people and above all, making your life a much happier one.
©GBlifecoaching 2011 Denis Gorce-Bourge
The lonely road to success for Business Owners
Finally building your own business and becoming self employed is the goal for many people. No more boss to tell you what to do... In principle, this is the best that can happen to you. You have an idea and you are confident that it is going to work. You are good and the idea is genius.
In reality, you start to feel the pressure when money is not coming in anymore. You realise that each month, you have to make your own money and that the security of a salary coming into your account is gone. You have to start being the conductor of the orchestra: being the sales person, the handyman, the accountant, the layer, the marketing director and many more roles...
You work all the time because you cannot switch off and from early morning to late at night, you are in your bubble: you check emails all the time, you think about new avenues, new ideas and your mind is busy 24/7.
Slowly but surely, you start shooting down your social life and dinners with friends become less frequent. You don't really take the time to call your best mates and work even more. The stress is building up and you put in more hours. You do not give yourself the option of failure and of learning from it. When you realise that it is not going to be a great success story, you start being disappointed in yourself. Perhaps you blame the period, the economic situation and the crisis and sleep into the victim role.
Your level of stress is growing and you don't really want to talk about it. You don't want to show that it is difficult and you don't want to bore your friends and family with your difficulties. Stress is isolating you in a very lonely bubble. I see so many people being so hard on themselves and getting into a negative spiral which of course brings more difficulties and ultimately increase chances of failure. Your actual result is a constant feedback about what to change and how to adjust. What does not work is a great insight to understand what could work. It is not because you are not good enough, because you are incompetent or because you only get what you deserve. It is additional information about what you could change and try to make it work.
What can you do? Is there any solution to make it better?
Life is a long learning journey. Each day is giving us new opportunities to learn and discover ourselves in a new light. Being self employed is definitely a strong one and it is almost a spiritual experience where you have to face your limits and sometimes your limitations. You cannot escape the mirror in front of you, telling you that you cannot do enough, you cannot do well enough, you cannot, you cannot, you cannot...
One of the keys for success is to treat yourself with love and compassion. The only way to succeed is to become your best friend and to give yourself the opportunity to learn and get better. The encouragements are crucial in order to help with motivation and get the energy to start a new day with a renewed mindset for success. Your mindset is conditioning your day and the results that you are getting. The more positive you are, the more positive outcomes you generate. As long as you stay open to feedback and ready to adjust and grow, you have good chances to make a success.
If you focus on what does not work, on how bad it is, on creating the image of what is will be when you will fail, you are programming yourself for the worse. Take the information and stay focus on the positive outcome. It is crucial!
You can change the way you live each and every day and change your perception of the situation which can bring you back to the success mindset and to a positive spiral.
Start planning a nice dinner with friends, go out next week-end, go for a nice walk in the park, take a break: allow yourself to regenerate and refresh. Start a new area and shift your thoughts to positive ones, where success is only a question of time. Don't stay on your own, talk to your friends, ask your clients for feedback and listen openly to what people have to say. It is not about everything or nothing. It is about evolution and openness to change and to adjust constantly. It is one of the most interesting journeys of a life time and being your own boss will change you and make you grow more that you could have imagined.
Do not give up but open up.
The miracle of water
or why should we be more positive...
Masaru Emoto is a Japanese scientist. He is known over the world for his remarkable work on water and its deep connection with individual and collective consciousness.
He is showing the impact of environment on crystals of frozen water. He exposed crystals of water to heavy metal music, to Beethoven, to words like Love and Gratitude, to meditation... The results were absolutely astonishing. Water reacts to its environment and to what. The very shape of water's crystals is changed and destroyed by violence, aggression, and bad words. On the contrary, he photographed the most beautiful crystals exposed to the words Love and Gratitude. Water is reacting to human consciousness and the power of intention. Imagine that about 70% of our body is made of water. What do you think is the impact of your thoughts, feelings and emotions on all this water contained in your body?
We perhaps have here a good reason to be more careful about the kind of mood we are in.
The new age stream and all the alternative thinking have been telling us to be positive for a long time. Think positive, think positive...
We can now prove that our thinking and feeling is affecting the core of our body. Health is still a mystery, even if the Chinese for millenaries have been telling us that it is all about maintaining the fragile balance of everything.
What we call magic today is only what we don't understand or what is not yet explained scientifically. We are reaching this point today where science is progressing very quickly and more and more concepts are now explained.
The feelings of fear, rage, hanger, greed, sadness are having an impact on our health and we are the one in charge to change this. The first step is definitely consciousness. We need to realise that the natural state health is harmony and happiness. Do you think that this is cheesy? It is all up to us to change the way we react to life, to events and to gradually take distance with events. It is up to us to decide if the glass is half empty or half full. Each and everyday is a new opportunity to grow, to understand and to change. The world never has been more interesting and challenging and we can be part of the big shift happening all around us.
The big challenge of the 21stcentury is not space trips, it is MIND. The more we will understand how we work and what our power is and the more we will go further in the way to a better world.
I hope that you will look at your glass of water in a different way after this reading.
I you want to know more about Masaru Emoto, go to his website
©GBlifecoaching 2011 Denis Gorce-Bourge
Alternative Therapies at
the Crystal Palace Overground Festival
The Crystal Palace Osteopathic Practice will be in Westow Park this year.
Charli Santiago, Osteopath will give a workshop on laughter. How can laugh help your health and wellbeing.
Denis Gorce-Bourge, Psychotherapist and Life Coach will offer an Anxiety, Fear and Stress release workshop based on EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). This tool is a revolution in the therapy field and brings results where lots of other techniques failed. You can come to discover and experiment for yourself and learn how to start using it straight away.
EFT is based on tapping on the Meridian points or acupuncture points. Acupuncture is the main therapeutic technique of Traditional Chinese Medicine that has been practiced for thousands of years in China and has received widespread attention in recent years in Western science. It has received endorsement for treating a number of different conditions by the World Health Organization and, in the United States, the National Institutes of Health
It will be a great opportunity for you to learn more about Alternative Therapies and Energy Psychology and discuss with Professionals.
Is bullying still acceptable?
Bullying is becoming more and more of a problem in many organisations here in the UK and around the world.
It badly damages the economy and costs a fortune in consequences.
The first 2000 survey, carried out by the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology states that 47% of Britain's employees have witnessed workplace bullying, that 10% have been bullied within the last 6 month and that bullying caused a loss of 18 million working days every year.
In 2008, this number went up to 14% of the workforce saying that they have been bullied in their current job.
Unfortunately, the problem does not tend to get better but on the contrary it is constantly increasing.
The work place is a stressful place for a lot of people. The economic climate and the fear of losing their jobs make it even tenser.
The more people are stressed and the more they can potentially be sensitive on many subjects. If the person's colleague or manager pushes buttons on the wrong subject, the person can quickly feel attacked and lose confidence and be pushed to the edge.
I remember myself a few years ago, arriving in London. In the company I was working for at the time, it was normal to make recurrent jokes about the French, about my accent, about being Gay and many other topics.
I don't believe that it was all the time malicious but it was heavy to take as I was already struggling with many other things.
I believe that stupidity and obliviousness are mainly to blame in many cases but it does not make it alright.
Very often, people accused of bullying are so astonished. "I was kidding", "I did not think that it was hurting him/her", "It was nothing really, just a joke", "he/she is too sensitive"... I could keep going like this with a long list of comments.
Bullying is serious and it is unacceptable. Beside the legal actions that we can take, what else can we do?
I think that awareness is key and for everyone to support each other in the work place. No one should be allowed to behave in such a disrespectful way and no one should accept to be treated that way or to witness any bullying without reaction.
There is a massive necessity to train and educate people in the work place to prevent bullying from happening and to make sure that everyone is aware of the problem and the consequences for the person and for the organisation.
Many companies are investing in finding new ways to increase productivity, performance, effectiveness and not enough of them are tackling yet the problem of bullying.
A few companies realised how much it is costing them and initiated some training programs to make things change. Most of the time, when a company decides to really take action, the results are immediate. What are all companies waiting for to wake up and see their own interest in tackling bullying at work?
The biggest cost of bullying is for people's dignity and Human rights.
We all have a responsibility in the situation and should all look at how we help each other to make it stop.
©GBlifecoaching 2011 Denis Gorce-Bourge
If you want more information about this topic or our training programs, please contact us on 02087789894 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hunan Beings or Human Doings?
Doing is the key word of our all society. We have a "to do list" everyday, we have all these things that need to be done on time, always urgent, not always important and we run like guinea pigs in a well. What is interesting is that the quickest we run in the wheel and the fastest we need to run. It is a never ending process where we never win anything. At least, athletes are running to win something: gold medal, silver perhaps? For us, it is just a crazy process where we win, stress, despair and finally illness.
Where did we forget the way to spend time with ourselves, in the quiet intimacy of our inner world? Where did we forget that we don't have to do anything to be loved? The base of this crazy syndrome is that for most of us, we happen to believe that we have to do something to be loved. It is our divine right. We are loved exactly the way we are. We are loved as part of the universe and as a unique part of it.
What can we do to wake up from this madness and realise that we should slow down? What should we do to just wake up to our true nature? We were not born to do anything. We were not born to work to pay taxes. We were not born to work all life to just have the right to survive.
The way out it is definitely to take time out and reflect on what our purpose is. Step out of the wheel and think. What are we doing? Why are we running all day? Is paying bills a good enough reason to run our all life? According to all major religions or philosophies, we should be happy and enjoy life. What happened to these beautiful statements? What happened to us? Can it be right that we have to exhaust ourselves everyday to just have the right to stay in the game? We are so accustomed to this game that we do not question it really. We do what we think we have to do. So would it be that we have to unlearn and clean our minds to appreciate what is really important in life? It is never too late to make a change and to try something new. It is never too late to realise that life is short and that our purpose is to enjoy the journey.
We have been brainwashed from our early age with some very powerful phrases from our parents who heard it from their parents who heard it from their parents: "life is hard", "you have to work hard to succeed", "rich people must have stepped on others to be rich", "It never comes easily", "Life is not fair"...
Look at nature. Do you really think that a plant is making efforts to grow and to blossom? Of course not. We are born to enjoy life, learn and grow. What is it that we really want? What would happen if we would do what we really like? What would happen if we would take time to enjoy and feel what we have to do? The more you affirm that you have to work to pay the bills the more you reinforce this very nightmare.
The first step is to take time out to reflect and think deeply about what we want. For a lot of people, the process of shifting to a new really is done consequently to a loss, a serious illness or some kind of drama which is strong enough to make them stop. What if you would make this decision before to have to face this kind of drama? Spend some time with yourself every day. Take a few minutes to be with yourself and just BE.
Make the conscious decision to become a Human Being.
Is performance connected to joy?
What is performance?
What is happening when you are joyful?
When you are joyful, you are in the adequate mindset to perform: not only to perform actually. You are ready to help, to accept, to be tolerant, to be understanding and to take pleasure at what you are doing. Joy is a state that opens your mind and your heart to the journey.
You hear very often about putting people under pressure in order to make them perform. Well, I firmly disagree with that. Stress cannot be good in a normal basis. Stress is a chemical response of the body to danger. You are ready to fight or to flight: so it should be only a very temporary state for a sort of emergency. A study in the US a few years ago shown that stress is making a reasonably intelligent person go down to the level of a mentally challenged person. In a state of stress, all your energy is focussed in your muscles to fight or flight. It is very much energy consuming and anyway an exhausting state on a longer term. On the top of this, we know now that a stressful state makes your immune system weak and that it is the open door for all sorts of diseases including high blood pressure and cancer.
On the contrary, when you are joyful, you can't be stressed at the same time. Your body is using more space, you are open to the world and you can easily use your potential: you are relaxed.
The next question is: What makes you joyful? Are you happy to get up in the morning to go to work? Are you doing what makes you happy? Am I crazy? Well, I believe that I am not. First we can all take pleasure in any task and second, we can get closer to what makes us happy. The mindset you are in every morning is your responsibility. You can see the glass half full or half empty. You can decide that it is going to be a good or a bad day. Depending on your morning's choice, your day will most of the time make you right. When you are thinking about work, what do you see first, what do you imagine? The ugly face of your supervisor, the heat in the office and the bad smell of your colleague?
The quality of the atmosphere in the office depends on the boss and your colleagues but the day you are having is your responsibility. Start to focus on the positive side of things and you will witness a shift in the way your day goes. You will realise that time is passing much faster, that in fact the colleague is much nicer that what you thought initially, that in fact, you really enjoyed doing your job. Do you think that I am a dreamer? No, I speak out of experience and you will be surprised to see that you have an impact on the atmosphere at the office, that you have an impact on your environment.
So yes, there is a connection between performance and joy. Joy is a mindset to do the right think at the best of your ability. Be curious and compare your own performance in the two situations. You will be amazed to see how good you are when you are joyful.
We are at the beginning of a new era, a new paradigm and we are opening to a new reality about what we should do, what life is all about and what our purpose is. Let yourself be part of this new paradigm. Life is not so much about what happens but about what we make happen.
Keys for success
A business is a creation. It is something which has to exist first in the mind before to finally exist physically. The start of a business is usually the result of a dream, a vision. The core matter of the project is energy, enthusiasm and passion.
Have you asked yourself recently why you are doing what you are doing? What is making you get up in the morning? What is it that you want to achieve with your business? Success cannot come without passion. When you are all the time in your business, it is sometimes easy to lose track of the reasons why you started.
Take distance is essential in order to see again what it is about and to give attention to what happens around you. Your business is not separated from the world: it is a part of the system around it. You need to be able to see what is happening. If you are too busy doing stuff, you lose your ability to be sensitive to your environment, you become less flexible and finally you go down.
Think of all people who achieved amazing things. Einstein, Ford, Gates, Newton, Hugo...
Do you think that they knew how they were going to do what they were dreaming to do? No, they did not. They knew what they wanted to achieve but they did not know how. The how should not be your worry. Start with the what. What is it that you really want to do? The how is a limitation. With the how, we think reasonably which is never the right way to dream. We should dream big and try to find the real core of what we feel we should do.
The important is to not limit ourselves with our fear or notion of what is realistic. The realistic is the result of what we heard from our parents, people around and every friend with the best intentions.
You can start with nothing and out of nothing, out of no way, a way will be made. It is a question of faith. The tricky part in succeeding in business is that we are creators in life and the more we believe something, the more life brings us reason to believe it. So if I believe that I will never achieve more than this, I will never achieve more than this and It will prove to me that I am right every time.
If I start to shift my mindset about what's possible in life, I will start to notice changes and new things happening. I will start to make changes which are going to start to reinforce my change of belief and slowly but surely, I will start to be more hopeful and more self-confident and I will notice that the more confident I am and the more good things happen to me.
We just need to start the process and start to have faith in ourselves, faith in the fact that life is not so bad after all.
Do you think that we are far from business discussion now? No we are not. Business is about a mindset. So what mindset are you in?
Do you focus on what you want or what you don't want? As long as you focus on what you don't want, reality is going to prove you right. You see, I received more invoices; I cannot invest in marketing or anything...
As a witness, I can affirm that life is amazing and that whatever you want in your life, you have the power to bring it to yourself.
If you are a business owner and you complain over and over about how bad it is and how the crisis damaged your business, the more you are going to have proofs to make you say it, over and over again.
What we believe is making things happen. So to succeed in business, starts with taking some time off the business, the family and everything else and take time to think.
Evaluate, plan, brainstorm, imagine, dream, start being happy and excited. The good news is that you can really start from where you are and produce results which are going to astonish you.
Our Role in Responsibility
The territory of our possibilities is framed with our beliefs. From an early age, beliefs are taking place to frame the kingdom of our possibilities.
Henry Ford said, "Whether you believe that you can do it, or not, either way, you are right".
In terms of opportunities, beliefs are even more prevalent. If I believe that I can do something, I am on my way there. It does not mean that I am going to succeed the first time or the second.
If I can accept feed back from results instead of being sorry for myself when things haven't gone to plan, I can learn from it and try again.
Steven Spielberg was a very unsuccessful film director for many years, before he became who we know today.
Immediate success is not a normal process. To succeed, we need passion and persistence. If we believe that failure is a possibility, this sends ourselves the message that we are not good enough and that our efforts will go unrewarded.
By accepting feed back as 'information', we can learn and adjust our strategy to be more successful next time.
Changing a belief is a way to change something in our life. As long as we stick to our limiting beliefs, we are keeping ourselves safe in our comfort zone, even if it means that we stay in the area of failure and frustration.
What ever happens to us is the result of something we're doing, consciously or unconsciously. Our thoughts are our best enemy as we are not always conscious of their impact on our life, but they can be our best friend and ally as well. Using our thoughts accordingly to our open mind, we all have chances to be on our way to success.
Placing responsibility on the 'outside world' is a way to play the victim and wait for a saviour to help us. It is a very basic reaction, whereby Mum or Dad will be there to help us.
Credit crunch, climate change, globalisation, my wife, my boss, my employees, the market, my clients are the many ways we all try to reject our responsibilities. If I believe that the outside world is making my success or failure, I give the power to the world to rule my life.
On the contrary, if I can admit that I am making the results, despite all the good reasons that I can find around to justify my failure, I am on my way to achieving what I really want. Believing I am responsible means that I have power and because I have power, I can make a change.
If I think in terms of responsibility, I give myself a chance to step out of the victim role which is the most sterile of positions. The notion of fault is connected to guilt and self punishment. If instead of fault, we think responsibility, we switch to power and control.
The only limits are the one we set out for ourselves. Imagine your life like a garden. The fence of your garden is all your beliefs. Imagine that changing beliefs would change the shape and dimension of your garden. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a bigger garden? (with a different shaped fence?)
All our great philosophers, explorers and artists have one thing in common: they believed that they could do it. Each invention started in the mind of someone who believed that it could exist in reality, and so it did. Now it's your turn.